Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this beer tastes like vomit already
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
