This is not my ceiling
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
