Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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