mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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