theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
