As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
