Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
