Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
