It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
