Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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