How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My cat gives me a boner
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
