I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
