Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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