Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
