Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
