Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
