Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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