i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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