It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
