so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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