I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
