Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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