So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
