i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
