We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
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everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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