I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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