Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
