Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
