On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
