I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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