broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
