I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The best revenge is premature balding
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
