I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
