my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
