I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Randomize
