oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
