College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
