whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
