dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
