Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
