i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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