You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
