I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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