whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
