Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
