I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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