He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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