Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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