walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
zippers are such a cool invention
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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