I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
