I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
