It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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