dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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