God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
