I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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