dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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