I wish I could punch you in the face.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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