Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
