I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
