last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
