I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
