its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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