You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.