the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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