you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
