Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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