Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?