No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.