He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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