i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
