Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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