Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
