Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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