nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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