the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
