Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
