that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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